'The Happening' isn't half-bad; it's totally awful

by Clint O’Connor/Plain Dealer Film Critic

Friday June 13, 2008, 12:00 AM

TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FLATLINERHe's either a cop overcome by mysterious neurotoxins or he just attended a screening of "The Happening."

REVIEW

The Happening
Who: With Mark Wahlberg, Zooey De schanel, John Leguizamo. Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
Rated: R for violent and disturbing images.
Running time: 91 minutes.
When: Opens Friday.
Where: Area theaters.
Grade: F

Surely I'm missing something. This is a joke, right? As a spoof or satire, I suppose "The Happening" could be seen as mildly amusing. As a full-fledged attempt at a creepy thriller, it can only be seen as a disaster.

Badly conceived, badly written and badly acted, "The Happening" is M. Night Shyamalan's make-good for everyone who suffered through "Lady in the Water" two years ago. Actually, maybe this is his clever way of proving that "Lady" wasn't so soggy after all.

How could a writer-director who created something as brilliant as "The Sixth Sense" make something this dreadful? And I really wish he had left two of my favorite performers -- Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel -- out of his plans.

The premise: People in major East Coast cities suddenly freeze in their steps and are overcome with an uncontrollable urge to kill themselves. A small troupe, including Wahlberg and Deschanel as a science teacher and his wife, flee to the countryside.

They run some more, and then they run some more.

The poor schnooks in this film apparently were instructed to display either utter earnestness or total emptiness. You'll be hard-pressed to find worse acting in another movie this year.

"The Happening" doesn't offer many of the promised chills or thrills. But it does have a message: The culprit for all the deaths might be a neurotoxin released by a massive effort of plants and trees seeking revenge on the great planet-destroyers: humans.

At least Al Gore will like it.